There is Always Light
Sitting here at my desk at 4:25 pm and it is already dark outside. The shorter days, impending cold of winter, seemingly never-ending pandemic, political drama, and navigating Thanksgiving while trying to keep loved ones safe all just seem like too much at times. 2020 has been chaotic and heartbreaking. On any other year prior, this time would be one of excitement; the holidays, travel plans, and gathering with family and friends. Instead, I’m finding myself feeling let down, anxious, and lethargic. Still, somehow I am not dissolving into depression. I can sense a light at the end of the tunnel and do my best to turn towards that light each day.
Years ago, after graduating from college I fell into a deep depression. I never really understood depression until I experienced it. I had friends who had battled with it, but unlike what I thought, it wasn’t just being “really sad”. It was a struggle to find even the smallest hint of connection and joy. It was me asking myself “why am I here? Why are we all here?”. Everything that had brought me passion, joy, and light before, just seemed murky and dark. It felt like I had fallen into a sticky mud pit and had no idea how to get out. Inertia had set in full force. My body shut down due to my mental state and I was no longer able to hold down food or water. I ended up driving back to my family home and then found myself up in the hospital due to dehydration. I wanted to feel happy, light, excited, and motivated but didn’t know how to. I ended up having surgery during that time and after being able to keep water and a little soup down over a month later, I was allowed to go home.
The only thing that started to lift the veil was eventually reading a book my mother had about guardian angels. I had to discover something greater than myself - something that embodied love and light. I dove into that book like a lifeline. I probably read that guardian angel book over a dozen times at that point and was still depressed, but felt more peaceful and less anxious and disconnected. I have a vivid memory of going to a craft show with my mom during that time. Me, a person who never left the house back then without wearing makeup or seriously considering my outfit, rolled into the crowd of hundreds of people makeup-free and in my comfiest sweats. I just didn’t have the energy to care. But something magical happened that day. The entanglement of the material world that usually made up my days no longer weighed me down. I wasn’t busy judging, worrying, planning, or being distracted. All the small stuff dropped away. I remember looking at everyone around me with a sense of love, compassion, and connection. I was able to see past the clothing, hairstyles, and features and really see them. I felt a loving kinship with each person I saw and felt less alone. It’s hard to explain, but it was beautiful. I felt like a tree in the forest of humanity, just appreciating the other trees and the connection we all had at our roots, regardless of how we grew above ground. I felt deeply at peace and fully in love. After that day I began the journey of coming back towards the light.
In Ayurveda, there is a word that embodies peace, light, harmony, balance, goodness, and clarity. This word is Sattva. It is one of the three Mahagunas (great qualities) or attributes which make up all the qualities of the world and govern our mental state. I had a small glimpse of that peace at the craft show that day. Now this all happened years before I was to discover Yoga and Ayurveda. If I had known what I know today, I believe that I wouldn’t have gotten depressed in the first place, and if I did I would have a clear road map of how to navigate it. Sattva is what brings clarity and allows us to evolve and live in harmony. Rajas is the desire for action and change. And finally, Tamas is the force of inertia and darkness. I had been lost in the depths of Tamas for almost three months during that time of my life. It took the act of getting out of the house and reading (Rajas) to bring me briefly to that place of light and clarity that day (Sattva). Since then I have slowly been moving more and more into Sattva over the years, and have become more and more content and happy in my life.
We all need these energies to an extent in our lives as they are part of what make up the world. Things are created (Rajas), sustained (Sattva), and ultimately ended (Tamas). It’s the cycle of life. We need each energy to an extent just to function in this world: waking = sattva, doing our daily activities = rajas, and sleep = tamas), but we can decide in which state we live our lives. Unlike our unique physical constitution which is decided at conception (eg. Vata, Pitta, Kapha), our mental and subtle bodies have the ability to be molded and fundamentally changed. The goal is to move from the depths of Tamas into the activity of Rajas, and ultimately into the light of Sattva. Each day we have dozens of opportunities to bring more Sattva into our lives. From what you wear, to whom you spend time with, and what you do with your time. These are all opportunities to bring more peace and light into our lives. I firmly believe that our physical health and mental well-being are inherently connected. You cannot have one without the other. I learned this the hard way back then when I felt lonely and lost in my life.
I’ve outlined some different ways to bring this light into your life. One of the things I love about this journey is that you can focus on the positive. It’s not about what not to do as much as it is about what to do. And if you fill your life with the positive, eventually there is less and less room for the negative. With the year we have all had and the mental toll it has taken, I find these tips personally so helpful right now. Anytime you are feeling the laziness or Tamas or desire of Rajas, you can turn to the list below. I recommend picking one or two things to try out this week and then add on others as your ready. I have included my Mahagunas Quiz to help you gauge where you are now so you can retake it again later and track your progress. Don’t forget to date it each time you take it and be brutally honest - your not cheating anyone other than yourself, and there is no shame is being where you are right now. For those of you who have more questions or would like more help cultivating Sattva, please feel free to reach out to me for a consult.
WAYS TO INCREASE SATTVA:
All these things, regardless of what they are, will help you cultivate a calm, clear, and more peaceful life :)
Eat simple, fresh, vegetarian foods. Kate O’Donnell’s cookbook, Everyday Ayurveda Cooking for a Calm, Clear Mind: 100 Simple Sattvic Recipes is a great place to start.
Go to bed by 10 pm.
Wear light colors like white or pastels.
Keep your home clean and clutter-free.
Keep yourself clean and well kept.
Listen to spiritual music, chanting, or Kirtan.
Write a gratitude list each day of 10 things you are grateful for.
Create a daily routine for yourself so you are eating, sleeping, and working at the same times each day (eg. get your body and mind into a consistent rhythm).
Spend time outside in nature.
Partake in your own spiritual practice or meditation practice.
Have technology-free time each day/week.
Practice Karma or Bhakti Yoga.
Associate with other people who are living on a higher vibration (eg. people who leave you feeling renewed, not depleted).
Watch shows and movies that are filled with love and laughter.
Be of service (volunteer, donate, share love and light with others).
Before speaking, ask yourself, “Is it true? Is it kind? And is it necessary?”
Do your best to be present and really listen.
Sattvic herbs such as Jatamansi, Ashwagandha, Brahmi, and Tulsi.
Diffuse essential oils such as Frankincense, Lavender, Palo Santo, or Sandalwood.
“Sattva Guna being pure, is illuminating, and it frees one from all reactions of bad karma. Those situated in that mode become conditioned by a sense of happiness and knowledge.”
- Bhagavad Gita 14.6
I’d like to end this post by wishing everyone a Happy Diwali and Thanksgiving :) Diwali is the festival of lights, and represents the victory of good over evil, light over darkness, and of new beginnings. Thanksgiving gives us the opportunity to focus on what we are grateful for and to share that gratitude. With the new year coming up and a new president on the horizon, I hope that this next month can bring some light into your life.
Namaste (the light within me, sees and honors the light within you),
Haripriya