HOW DOING LESS GIVES YOU MORE
Starting 2021 off with a bang, I had made a goal for each month, and the first goal was to cultivate peace (sattva). I felt inspired and excited. I had in my mind that I’d write today about my “great success” so that I could show off all the fantastic advice and all the insights I’d gathered before moving on to the next. Today, I am halfway through February…now March… and I am here actually trying to do less. I’m the type of person who wants to read 3 books at once, try this new meditation, sign up for this class, cook this new recipe, and so on. It was so hard for me to write this because I can get so caught up in wanting to be this or that or do this or that or even feeling this or that, that I lose sight of why I’m even doing this or that in the first place. Every time I start to write these blogs I seem to begin with a need to prove who I am and how much I know and have accomplished. I have to then actively stop myself and give myself permission to be more vulnerable and to share my story (some days are easier than others). Because at the end of the day we just want to feel connected to each other, loved and happy, not told what to do or how great someone is. Many times the voice in my head driving me throughout the day and egging me on (you need this, tell them that, you are this, etc) isn’t really mine. It is just reflecting the values of the society I live in or is the critical voice of my mother or all the other things which have been programmed into me. So I have changed course a bit and am focusing on deepening this sense of peace that I’ve started to explore and learn more about. Does this mean I have to drop my goals for 2021? Nope! But it does mean I need to approach them differently. I am learning to focus my energy inward, as opposed to outward. And I won’t lie. It’s really hard.
“The ego tends to equate having with Being. I have, therefore I am. And the more I have, the more I am. The ego lives through comparison. How you are seen by others turns into how you see yourself…how do you let go of attachment to things? Don’t even try. It’s impossible. Attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them.”
- Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth
The real me, that innermost onion layer, is peaceful and ok just as I am. It does not require compliments, a certain amount of Facebook likes, or new vegan boots to make me feel whole. It makes me think of a baby who is considered so lovable and whole just as they are. In our culture, so much emphasis is put on what we do for work, what we have, who we know, what we have accomplished, etc. These things seem to define us. An example of this is how we answer people when they ask who we are or what we do. For me, I’d identify as a woman, yoga teacher, mom, wife, etc. I sometimes fantasize about answering somebody the next time they ask that common question “so what do you do” by saying “I work on getting to know my true nature.” I always hated this question as a young adult, it made me feel lost and uncomfortable - like I didn’t fit in because I didn't seem to have a good answer. I would find myself wishing that I had some important title to show off because just being who I am did not feel like enough. I forget that everything I need is already here, and all those “this or that’s” which I think will make me happy are really taking me further away from myself.
“Thought always consists of two parts: the “I” and what it is identified with, such as “I am this” or “this is mine.” The subject, or “I,” is connected or identified with an object. All our problems come from the object portion, which is bound by time and space. We have a problem with being this or that, or getting this or that, but we do not have a problem in being. Being is not difficult for anyone. It is the given, the Self-exsistence. It is in the being something or another where problems arise. To return to the pure “I am” is the root of all peace and happiness…Self knowledge requires a calm and balanced (Sattvic) mind.”
- Dr. David Frawley
I have honestly always felt lost in terms of what to do with my life. I grew up well-off and lucky enough not to have to worry about financial concerns or even work if I didn’t want to. Many times friends have voiced how lucky I am, and it is true, but if I’m unhappy, then that doesn’t matter, it only allows me to physically survive, not to be happy. I remember going into college to pick my major and literally thought to myself “well, art is the only thing I am good at and I’m too dumb to do other things, so I’ll just do that”. I never had real direction or purpose. I always felt lost and left out. I couldn't relate to most people in the world and didn’t feel good at anything. I was always so self-critical and never felt at peace. I was looking for all the answers outside of me. It wasn’t until I studied Yoga that I began to connect with something greater than me that seemed to be on a deeper level than this material existence. But even then I still wanted to prove my worth and feel the validation of society in some way. Only in this past year have I really started to understand that this need to do more or have more or know more are just trying to placate that critic in my mind and how I compare myself to others, thinking that somehow happiness can be found there, in doing. There is something greater, not “out there”, but “in here” within me, in being.
“We struggle not merely to survive, but also to find meaning in our lives.”
- Dr. David Frawley
So I decided to let go this year. A lot. I dove into my book of the month and allowed myself lots of time just being and doing less. That inner critic still comes up in different ways in my day-to-day life at home in the terms of needing to do this or that so that I feel accomplished and worthy so that I’m a “good mom” or to get likes on social media. Actually, I have deleted social media from my phone along with news apps so that if I really want to post or look at stuff, I have to re-download it. My husband had the brilliant idea the other day to have me write out a to-do list when I was feeling especially overwhelmed and then he looked at it and crossed out 98% of it. On the list was the following:
make vegan lasagna
switch out and organize Clark’s toys
write my newsletter/blog
file papers
meditate
read
water plants
check emails
Instagram posts
Because making vegan lasagna from scratch, organizing all of Clark’s toys, and many of the other things were definitely not life or death, the two items he left uncrossed were Meditation and reading - the two things which would help me to settle and gain wisdom. What was important was for me to stop berating myself for not doing what I thought I should do and to let go and fill my own well. Finding time to conserve energy or even create energy for me was a game-changer. The effect was immediate. I felt more peaceful, calm, and nurtured instead of overwhelmed, agitated, and depleted. All I had to do was give myself permission to let go and be. I kept coming back to a quote I have probably read a dozen times in different contexts: “EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR HAPPINESS IS ALREADY INSIDE OF YOU”. So I tried my best to let go, and let be. The vegan lasagna could wait.
Now that we are halfway into March, I am by no means the queen of Sattva (peace), but I am a tiny bit wiser and have had the experience of what slowing down can do for me. I feel more connected to what really matters and can make more space for myself. I find that when I start feeling agitated and wanting to distract myself by doing things (directing energy outwards), it usually means I am in need of a check in to process a difficult feeling by listening to a meditation, journaling, or just sitting and breathing (directing energy inwards). Right now I have started to peel away the outer onion layer, but there are still more layers to go. After a nice chat with my therapist this week, I realized that it’s not about quantity, but quality. Not about surface accomplishment, but what really sinks ins. I could read 10 self-help or spiritual books in a month, but what good will that do me if I don’t remember or implement and practice what I actually read and learn? Just like with food in the body, the mind can get overwhelmed with input and thoughts, and just like that feeling of post-thanksgiving indigestion from too much food, we usually end up suffering from it if we don’t either modify the input or take the time to process it by just being. Repeat to self: “Be still, and know that I AM”.
SATTVA is the quality of intelligence, virtue and goodness, and creates harmony, balance and stability. It is light (not heavy) and luminous in nature. It posseses an inward and upward motion and brings about the awakening of the soul. Sattva provides happiness and contentment of a lasting nature. It is the principle of clarity, wideness and peace, the force of love that unites all things together.”
- Dr. David Frawley
For those of you wanting to better understand what Sattva is, read my past blog here. And any of you interested in Ayurveda and psychology, or those of you who want to grow and get to understand your mind better, the book Ayurveda and the Mind: The Healing of Consciousness by Dr. David Frawley is spectacular. I literally highlighted half the book. For those of you who are not as into Ayurveda, but are still interested in getting to know yourself better and grow, I’d highly recommend A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle.
At the end of the day having simple goals and then following through with them creates confidence, self-worth, and satisfaction. But do take the time to notice what those goals are. Do they bring you inwards towards your higher self, or outside of yourself to the pull of the senses? Taking time for your own self-care and to just be will increase peace and wisdom. You also get the bonus of getting to know yourself better and processing your day. For those of you looking for more peace in your life, it’s as easy as making a small commitment or promises to yourself. Below are some ideas to help you cultivate more peace in your life (who doesn’t want that!). Pick ONE thing from this list or choose your own to focus on and implement. If you are able to carry a sense of peace with you, wherever you go, all of life’s ups and downs will be more like small gentle waves, rather than giant storms.
HOW TO GET YOUR PEACE ON :)
Read a book (cover to cover) on healing or spirituality. Set aside a certain amount of time each day to read. Only read this book and take notes if you want or journal about it after. Go slow and let it sink in.
Sit in meditation for 5-10 minutes each day, every day for 1 month. I use The Insight App which has a meditation timer and keeps track of your progress (plus it’s free). The other two most popular meditation apps are Headspace and Calm. Remember you don’t have to feel peaceful and calm while sitting, or even after. The practice is just showing up and being with yourself. For those of you needing a little guidance, The Cambridge Insight Meditation Center has free/donation/paid classes online via Zoom each week. This is where I started my meditation practice. The Tuesday night beginners drop-in is a great place to start - maybe this once-a-week class is your goal?
Only feed your senses positive and healthy things. Some examples of this may be eating fresh healthy food, use pure essential oils in your home (I love doTERRA), watch happy positive shows (avoid disturbing or negative TV, social media, News, etc.), snuggle with your partner or pet (or self oil massage), and listen to calming music. I deleted all social media/news/shopping from my phone and that itself was huge!
Keep your body and environment clean and looking nice.
Go on slow nature walks alone, just soaking up the environment through your senses.
Practice Ho’oponopono each day.
“You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge. But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness.”